Why do men…?
Or more precisely, my husband. Why does he continue to ask “what’s wrong with him?”, when N is crying or doing something out of character?
I mean, it’s ridiculous asking me. N doesn’t talk yet so how would I know for definite. All I can do is run through the obvious: food, drink, hurt, nappy, temperature. I presume he just thinks that because I spent a year off work with N and most of the time I’m not at work with him, then I know exactly what our son’s thinking. Or maybe it’s just because I’m the mum, and that means I should know everything.
This evening saw our first nightmare mealtime (relative to usual where there’s no problems with food). We had steak, roast veg & potatoes, which N usually likes as long as the steak’s not too chewy. But he didn’t want to use his fork or spoon, didn’t want me to preload them, didn’t want to eat, he just cried…and drank lots of water. I’m not sure what the problem was; could have been that the first thing he ate was too hot and that’s why he drank so much water. Or he could have bitten his tongue. No idea.
Eventually he did eat his potato, some carrot & parsnip, and 2 little bits of steak, but the rest of the meat was spat out or not tried (not good for the son of a beef farmer!). Needless to say he liked pudding (yummy first attempt at baked ricotta cakes with berry compote), although he cried because we had to wait for ages for it to cool down.
It was the first time we’ve had issues with him not wanting to eat, so it was a bit of a mystery as to why. Both of us were sat there seeing the same behaviour so in my opinion, telepathy between mother and child doesn’t happen, so it’s going to remain a mystery until he can talk!
When my two boys were little (around 1 y.o.) I taught them baby sign language which is just made-up signs for the basics so they are able to communicate with us before they can speak. I scoffed at first at the whole idea thinking, “who’s got time to teach them sign language?” But after my eldest son learned his first sign and could communicate to me that he was thirsty or hungry, I could see the benefit and was hooked. It eliminated the frustration for us both, and I really don’t remember him giving me any tantrums through his twos. He learned to speak at the same rate as others, if not earlier. They say it actually increases cognitive skills. Anyway, it was just a thought.
My husband also loved that it was a way he could communicate with the boys just as easily as I could. Except now (they are 6 and 8) he still reminisces about the days when they were babies and used sign language. The boys are now tired of hearing the story and roll their eyes at their dad.
End of completely unsolicited advice from total stranger. 😉
Shelly, I completely agree with this. My son’s been able to communicate hungry, thirsty, sleepy since he was about 12 months. It’s like a calm descended over our lives. Would wholly recommend.
A couple of my friends are doing baby sing & sign. Neither of their babies are yet showing much interest in it, but another one taught hers some via a baby tv show and seems to be going well.
We’re quite lucky that when he’s thirsty he knows where to go to, hungry is set meal times but he’s like a gannet so will just look at other people’s meals til he gets some. And when he’s tired he lies on the floor sucking his thumb, so he’s quite easy to read for most important things anyway. It’s just it’s so rare he’s grouchy, it’s hard to know what’s up.
I completely empathize. I think the bond between father and child takes longer to bevelop. It often seems that their instinct is a little lacking or that they worry about getting it wrong. Whenever my little one is unhappy or playing-up, my husband’s only answer is that he must be tired. He’s forever trying to put him down for a nap. I talked to my mum about it and she thinks it’s because men work better when they have a process to follow and they’re not so good at reading people.
Your mum’s probably right on that one. I think men just presume that the women know as traditionally mum’s always knew everything and were always with the child. I guess they also don’t necessarily think in the logical way to check all the possible reasons before asking.
I reckon your mum is right. They need clarity and instructions, and if they’re not with the child as often as the mum it is a lot harder to know what’s needed. Thanks for stopping by and commenting