Best friends. They’re something that lots of us have. People who others wish to have. And they can change over time.

I know I’ve had a few over the years, mostly through school years where friendships change seemingly every year. Fleetingly the girl next door, where on us moving in, we chatted through the gate. Then a girl up the road who I used to make up role play games to play in the playground with a horse named Granary and who I used to go carol singing with for charity.

Then secondary school and friendships changed, to someone I was in more classes with and played in sports teams together. Memories of sharing answers in a sponsored spelling test, being ill on giant chocolate eclairs and setting up camp in the pouring rain in Devon.

Sixth form saw a change of school and mostly a change of friendships, although a couple from secondary are good friends I still see now. Here it was more a small group of good friends, boarding together, and going through life, sport, music and lessons together.

But it’s university that’s provided my most enduring best friend up to now. Not from freshers’ week, but a final year and a random campus flat combination. The flat had three geographers, a cricket friend of one fellow geographer, and 2 additional first year students. It turned out that the cricket friend and I got on really well from our first meeting and we’ve been great friends ever since.

Contact nowadays with busy life for most people means social media. For bloggers, that’s certainly true as we’re on social media a lot. But my best friend doesn’t do social media. And as for email, that’s pretty non-existent too. Mobile phones…when it gets taken out or turned on. So we don’t speak often. Contact is the occasional call at Christmas or when we’re trying to organise a get together. Or seeing each other in person on the 2 or 3 times a year we catch up with the boys.

leapfrogging the posts at Conkers
Introduction to leap-frogging posts – because that’s what a godmother should be teaching

Our most recent birthday weekend was arranged via email, backwards and forwards, with a similar efficiency, understanding and trust of what we both like. It seems strange when we’re so close, but emails does save a lot of phone calls because we’d be on for ages chatting and probably still not arrange anything. Bear in mind we visited my friend in late Spring and we wanted to start discussing our weekend away. The only thing we arranged as I was about to walk out the door to go home, was the date we were going.

However little we talk the rest of the year, when we get together we talk a lot. About life, our boys, other friends, family, and generally what’s going on. Sometimes we’ll get a book out each and sit and read for a bit. Or take the boys out or simply watch them play. But it’s always comfortable being back chatting away. It’s never awkward.

Hopefully we’ll still be friends for life just like my mum was with her friend, my godmother until she died. Their friendship was really special and that’s an invaluable thing to have in life.

I hope that N also grows up having a great friendship.  Lots of people say boys tend to have a close group of friends who all stick together. My brother does have that, but as many of them are now abroad, there’s one who is his standby, and they’ll do anything for each other.  That’s what I’d like of N for the future, and being an only child he’ll certainly need good friends to rely on when he’s older.

What makes a best friend for you? How often do you speak to yours? Do you need to speak to or see each other regularly to be a best friend?

Dear Bear and Beany

20 Comments

  1. I can count my friends on one hand and that is just the way I like it. Many friendships have disappeared over the years and there are many different reasons for this. I like having people that I know I can trust and will be there for me and me to them. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    • It’s much healthier to update friendships and let go as and when required. So much better than clinging on to unsuitable ones.

  2. It amazes me now when I look back and think how long I’ve been friends with people. Obviously I forget that *cough* 20 years *cough* has gone by since secondary school! You don’t realise when you’re younger that the friends you make then, could be in your life for a very long time. It’s one of the reasons I love my personal FB account (for my blog it’s a nightmare). Although I haven’t stayed in touch with everyone, we were a very close year group and I love to see how their lives have turned out, what they are up to etc. True friendships last no matter how often you see each other. x #SharingtheBlogLove

    • So true. I also have a lot of school friends on my FB, and even though we weren’t necessarily good friends at school, it’s nice to stay in touch through FB (plus I’m nosy). But I’m also surprised how many of my secondary/primary school friends I’m still in contact with and see – but helps that we all lived nearby so heard about each other through parents too. Thanks for stopping by

  3. Those kind of friendships are ones to really treasure. I have one friend who I would describe as my closest friend – we met in school and were close in sixth form, drifted apart a bit through uni but still kept in touch, and then picked things right back up where we left them when we both moved back home. We now live 10 minutes from each other, which is brilliant. We don’t actually see each other all that much given how close we are location wise, but we chat most days of the week – normally online rather than on the phone though, but as soon as we meet up properly it’s like we’ve hardly been apart at all. Having those kinds of friends is worth so much more than having lots of friends I always think. Thanks so much for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Sounds like a great friendship. I’m still good friends with people I didn’t see for ages. Funny how often when you get back together, it’s as though you’ve never changed. Thanks for a lovely comment

  4. Such a lovely reflection on friendship. I love that feeling of getting together with someone that you haven’t seen in ages where you can just pick up again, and chat quite happily as though you’ve never been apart. I see my two closest friends once or twice a year at most and we chat mostly via social media these days but when we get together conversation always flows easily. #sharingthebloglove

    • It happens so much more frequently that I’d expect. I’m always amazed at how we all seem to still get on the same, even though we must have changed so much since we were at school. Thanks for your comment Louise.

  5. I try and see my best friend weekly. We live about half an hours drive from each other so not far, she works however and with our own family commitments it can get hard to see her regularly. We text all the time though. I’d be lost without her. We have had spells where we don’t see each other for a few weeks and it always ends in bad things happening in our lives. ALWAYS. Having said that I don’t think you need to see each other regularly to be best friends, I think that sort of friendship is based on something deeper than contact.
    A lovely post, and a lovely read, thank you.
    #SharingtheBlogLove

    • It’s certainly hard once everyone has families. Weird the impact that friendships can have on life too. Thanks for stopping by

  6. I love friendships like these. i have a bff whom I met when I was 17 and she was 15, we bonded within the space of one conversation and even though we now live several hours away from each other and only see each other in person about once a year, she is still a sister in my eyes. xx #sharingthebloglove

    • It is like a family relationship, you’re right. Your friendship sounds very much like mine.

  7. A lovely post about real friendship – that sense that you can still be in each other’s lives even though the contact isn’t always constant. I have had my best friend for almost twenty years, since my first job. But really, she’s my third sister, my daughter’s auntie and the person I would confide in forever – she’s been by my side through the clubbing years, the boy related tears and now she’s my friend with whom I discuss being a mum. #SharingTheBlogLove

  8. To stay friends with the same crowd over the years is difficult, as lives alter and we all change. I have one friend from High School who I hardly ever see but, when we do meet, we just seem to fall back into where we left off. Thanks for reminding me I should give her a call.
    #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Pleased to remind you. Time does get away with you, and family gets in the way, but some friendships do last. You just need to be able to let go of the ones that don’t bring joy

  9. Hannah | The Simple Things

    It sounds a bit sad but I only have a few people I would say are friends, and they are the people who I feel completely comfortable with and friendship isnt an effort on either side. Even if we dont talk for months when we do its almost like we have only been apart a few days. It’s soppy to say but my best friend is my husband! It sounds like you have a good relationship with your friend, those friendships are beautiful and I really hope that our children find the same kind of friendships too when they get older xx

    • Having only a few good friends is so much more important than knowing lots. I have a few good friends, and a lot who I love but just don’t get to spend time with and we’re kind of drifting. A lot of my friends I see now are those from years ago who randomly met up with again and now back catching up fairly regularly.

  10. I think there is a special bond between you and your best friend. You don’t see each other very often, however when you meet, the spark is there immediately. But I also think time spent together is the currency for relationships. It’s really dilemma.

    • It’s definitely a fine balance, and I guess the sign of a strong relationship whether in best friends or partners. Thanks for stopping by to comment

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