Children’s Chat: weddings and surnames

If you’re a parent, you know there’s a moment when you’re answering your child’s questions and you realise that you might have gone too far, and given them far more information than they need.  And possibly opening a whole can of worms.  That happens to me a lot.

N has recently started asking me lots about marrying and names.  I’ve no idea where it’s come from – as far as I’m aware, Peppa Pig hasn’t gone to a wedding, and he’s not been playing weddings at nursery, although you never know.  Of course the discussion started while we were in the car on the way to nursery.

‘Mummy, what’s my name?’…err, I remind him of his surname.

‘And Daddy’s name is the same, and you mummy?’

‘Yes, we all have the same name’….I should have left it there.

‘And your aunt and uncle have the same name, and your cousins T and R, and Granny and Gramp.  But your other cousins and aunt and uncle are called a different name’….I really should have left it there. ‘But Auntie J used to have the same surname as us, but then married Uncle M so changed her name.  And when I married Daddy my name changed’

‘So you had the same name as Grandma and Uncle A? And I have the same name as you because you’re my mummy and daddy’s my daddy?’…should have said yes, should have said yes and left it there.

‘Yes because we got married, but not all mummies and daddies are married, so some children have different names to their mummies or daddies.  Like my friend H isn’t married to S, so their baby has the dad’s name, but my friend has her own surname’.  I could feel things getting more complicated by the second, and wondering what N would be telling people at nursery; whether he’d get it right or get totally confused.

‘Oh’…phew that went down easier than I thought.

Then a while later the questions moved on to marriage and weddings.

‘Are you married Mummy?’

‘Yes, I’m married to Daddy’

‘And Daddy’s married to you.  Did you have a wedding?’

‘Yes, a long time ago.  10 years, you can see the picture up there’

‘When you were a little girl?’

‘Er no, when we were grown up’

‘Where was I when you got married?’.  N doesn’t seem to grasp the fact that before he was a baby he didn’t exist, however many times I tell him.

‘You weren’t born yet.  We got married, then waited a while, then we had you.  Only 3 of your cousins were at the wedding, the others weren’t born either’

‘But where was I?’…arggghhh.

I’m sure there’ll be more questions along these topics.  He certainly has them on the mind at the moment.  Hopefully he’ll move onto the next thing soon enough.

How did your children grasp surnames and B.A – Before Arrival?