Motherhood: the mum and son relationship

While it’s noticeable how much N loves his dad for certain things – bear hug cuddles, play fighting, going out and working on the farm, having a bath while his dad showers – motherhood is very different thanks to the mother and son relationship.

Someone I know once said about her son ‘I’m never letting him go’.  Maybe that’s a little strong given that one day they’ll be leaving home to study or work, having girlfriends or wives and moving into their own homes (maybe closer to home than away if N decides to stay working on the farm as an adult – not if I have my wish for him to do something else first to experience life).  But it’s certainly true that mothers and sons do have a special bond.

Even if I’ve told him off, N will still come to me for comfort.  Initially it might have been dad, but he gets more sympathy and cuddles from me.

I’m the one he asks for food from, the one who helps him choose his clothes, gets him out of the house to school, who takes him everywhere whether it’s routine or fun trips.  I’m the one who reads with him, does his teeth and (6 days out of 7) does the final bedtime routine.  I’m the one who gets his kisses before he goes to bed (he likes to practise his ‘dry’ kisses).

When I compare my relationship with N, I can’t help but compare it to the difference in relationship between my mum, my brother and me (our dad died when we were young so it was just the 3 of us).  I got on really well with my mum, but like many girls was independent and liked to keep myself to myself.  I’m not a demonstrative person, and was the typical ‘good’ girl, known as a bit ‘square’ at school.  My brother on the other hand was more gregarious, more chatty, and more of a huggy person with my mum even when he got into scrapes with his friends.

While I’ve not got a daughter to compare it to, N’s definitely more similar to my brother in the closeness.  I love that he’s still happy to hold my hand when we’re out shopping, he rearranges the things I’m carrying so I can do so.

He’s also great at complimenting me on the little things.  If I wear a dress (it’s rare), I get told ‘you look nice mummy, you look like a ballerina’ (I don’t wear tutus, don’t worry).

The other week we were talking about eye colour and I told him he had the same green eyes as me.

‘I don’t want to have green eyes’.

‘They’re like mine rather than daddy’s blue eyes.  Green’s good, they’re more unusual and yours have a lot of orangey/brown colours in too’.

‘You have nice eyes mummy’.

I’ve never heard him complimenting his dad on anything. Theirs is more of a take the mickey out of each other relationship, even at N’s young age.

He also came in on Saturday bringing me a tied bunch of bluebells.    After I’d tried to hold my tongue about them having picked wildflowers after his uncle said they could, I was very pleased that he’d want to bring me some flowers.  He was so pleased I liked them.  When we’re out and about he’ll always pick daisies for me too.

I love that he’s a really loving little boy.  His family really means the world to him, the 3 of us, and all the cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents.  And it’s great to have that mother and son bond to guide him until he grows up and finds his own way in the world.

What sort of relationship do you have with your sons?  If you’ve a daughter is it similar or different?